FINAL PROPOSAL

Be my bride
Like Bonnie for Clyde
Chased by the tide
Drowned side by side

Be my wife
My partner in life
Together we strive
Till our deaths arrive

-Sam Haidy-

4 Tanggapan to “FINAL PROPOSAL”

  1. HAUNTING LEAPS

    1L is not what Scott Turow can tell.
    It is one leap over the throw you give me.

    2L is not what hill to drill I can foretell.
    It is two leaps over many spills you aim at me.

    3L is not what three spots I can retell.
    It is three leaps over snaps you do to me.

    4L is not what word I want more for spell.
    It is four leaps over more hatred you tell me.

    5L or more are not leaps I want dwell upon.
    There are more than heaps I want we agree upon.

  2. I refined it by adding last line. What do you think it is better??

    HAUNTING LEAPS

    1L is not what Scott Turow can tell.
    It is one leap over the throw you give me.

    2L is not what hill to drill I can foretell.
    It is two leaps over many spills you aim at me.

    3L is not what three spots I can retell.
    It is three leaps over snaps you do to me.

    4L is not what word I want more for spell.
    It is four leaps over more hatred you tell me.

    5L or more are not leaps I want dwell upon.
    There are more than heaps I want we agree upon.

    (Oh, so many Ls! What can I tell? I feel so swell!)

  3. Oops wrong question! It should be “Which do you think it is better?”

  4. I think it would be fair if second last line at bottom is revised, along with a few revisions, as follows:

    HAUNTING LEAPS

    1L is not what Scott Turow can tell.
    It is one leap over the throw you give me.

    2L is not what hill to drill I can foretell.
    It is two leaps over spills you shout at me.

    3L is not what three spots I can retell.
    It is three leaps over snaps you do to me.

    4L is not what word I want more for spell.
    It is four leaps over much hatred you tell me.

    5L or more are not leaps I want dwell upon.
    It is more than heaps you and I can agree upon.

    (Oh, so many Ls! What can I tell? I feel so swell!)

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